Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4 NIV
This weekend I went skiing with a few couples and while many are great skiers I am not. For me even the bunny slope (a seemingly easily slope for many) seemed overwhelming steep as I looked down the slope to the bottom. The task of getting down that incline seemed daunting and I could feel that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. That’s how pregnancy after loss can feel – like standing at the top of an incline that seems for many to be a normal walk in the park – and for you seems like the black diamond of all slopes.
Over the past few days after deciding to move forward with another attempt to grow our family, that is how I am feeling — like I am staring down to the bottom of a slippery slope not knowing how I am going to get down there all by myself. As I pictured myself staring down that path, I realized that I cannot make it by myself. I cannot even begin to try and think through how. I can only reach the bottom if God himself carries me there. This is the time in my life where I am needing God to be my “footprints in the sand”. This is the time where I have no other choice but to day-by-day ask the Lord to pick me up, carry me, comfort me, bring peace upon me, and carry me over the threshold of pregnancy into the sweet elation of new motherhood. I am so thankful that God not only walks with us but in our most difficult times of life, He is there to carry us through.
Dear God, thank you for the realization that not only do I not have to walk this path alone but that you will be there to carry me in my weakest, frailest moments. I am so thankful that I do not have to think myself through every step of the way but that I can trust that when I am weak you are all the strength I need. God, please be with me each step of each day of this journey. I ask that you would bless it as you see fit. Grant me peace, faith, wellness, and beautiful joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.