I Thought — but He Knew

I Thought – But He Knew

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Based upon the emails I still get from babycenter.com, I should be holding two beautiful one week old babies right now.  My house should be filled with dirty diapers, shrieks of newborn cries, and sleepless nights but it’s not.  Nonetheless it is filled with is an amazing joy, an outstanding peace, and an overwhelming love and appreciation for the man my family and friends watched me pledge my love to almost a year ago.  That overwhelming sense of peace and contentment with my family is not at all a disregard for the lives we lost; however, it is an after-the-fact realization that while I thought I knew – God knew better. 

As we go through things and attempt to re-center, we talk ourselves into accepting that all things happen for a reason and that God knows best but we still sometimes struggle with what the reason really is. In the midst of the storm, our view of life is clouded by the elements but sometime after the clouds fade, we can see the reality of what we were once just trying to bring ourselves to accept.

While I look around me with all the parents holding and loving their new babies, I smile and think of the little girls that woke up with the angels. As I look at the life that has unfolded before me in these months and compare it to how ill-prepared my life, my home, and my heart was, I get it.  I get that while I had plans, a schedule even for my life, God had a different plan.  While His plan hurt, it has truly prospered me in my soul, my heart, my marriage, and my family.  I still live in the same house, but my home and all that is in it has been renewed and transformed into something so beautiful I can hardly believe it.  

This morning my heart is so appreciative of the calming revelation that all is really well. This morning my heart is overwhelmingly grateful that while it was sad, God didn’t give into giving me what my life was not ready to receive and I am so thankful for how he has prepared the way.   Not only are His ways higher than our ways but he really does give joy in the place of mourning.  Thank you God that while we “think”, you know. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AdlHTgbZ9k (Kari Jobe – You are For Me – which just started playing as I was writing)

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